In a move that is set to radically redefine and significantly alter the South African political landscape over the next five years, the DANC Party has announced that it has successfully secured copyrights for the letters comprising the words ‘DANC Party’ and will henceforth charge all existing political formations to use these letters individually or in sequence in their official names and or titles.
“This is the scope of opportunities that are available to any enterprising individual irrespective of species, origin or nationality within an unquestionably strong democracy such as ours” said a smiling Helen Zuma at a press conference held in a cordoned-off section of the basement parking area at the official Party Venue. She went on to say that for South Africa to be acknowledged as a strong democracy by most analysts, commentators, the media AND the American/Israeli duality is certainly proof that what is misperceived to be issues of international concern like inequality, poverty, mis-education, corruption, poor service delivery, incompetence, misinformation, deceit and greed are in fact just normal and healthy components of a strong and functioning democracy.
In his address, the Vice Chief-Party-Head Mister Jacob Zille spoke glowingly of the resounding success of the Party which managed to secure an unsurpassed and unanticipated thirteen million votes based on the final count which was confirmed by the private Israeli firm that oversaw the Secret and Independent, Free-and-Fair Elections that were conducted in parallel to the media circus that was staged with clichés, platitudes and rhetoric supplied by the UK, EU and the USA with cutting-edge technical support by BRICS.
In his impassioned address, Party-Head of Patronizing-Propaganda-and-Regurgitated-Rhetoric Julius De Lille said: “As a matter of indisputable fact we have achieved more votes than any of the big multi-national political organizations that are currently operating in this region and have thus been given an incontestable mandate from the vastly democratic majority to praise and coextensively reward ourselves and only ourselves, as the true Voice-and-Will of the Chosen-Party-People of the new Azania.”
In his closing statement, Mister De Lille announced the first new public decree as adopted by all the Party-Heads at a recent Gathering of the Party-Heads that was hosted by the Primary-Party-Sponsor in the stalled middle elevator of the exclusively prestigious African Pride Crystal Towers Hotel and Spa: that clarifies the designated, official title that is to precede any and all references to the ever-wise, ever-knowing Chief-Induna and Omniscient Party-Head of DANC, Her Most Righteous Ex-Emeritus Helen Zuma: “Long live Sovereign Zuma! Most blessed of all god(desses and/or prophetesses)! May her name remain forever exalted!”